I think stockings are the best part of Christmas. Certainly they are in my family – the finest and most extensive care package of the year. There are a few specific traditions that I didn’t need to list here. For instance, we always get a small box of Space Lego to put together before breakfast (to keep us occupied, so my parents can have time to wake up before getting to the bigger stuff – is it bad that we still need that?). But we are sort of reasonable now. At least, we’ve taken up the practice of putting together stockings for our parents, too.
Anyway, mum, here is my list of specific ideas (most of which hardly need reiterating, but I like talking about them anyway).
1. So socks – never has the need been greater! My ideal sock would be knee-high, built to stay up well (some of us roll our pantlegs, you see), black (or dark grey or dark navy), very thin, and not 100% cotton (because I recently heard that this isn’t good for people who [like me] have strange circulation problems that turn their digits white and purple and numb – nice, yes?). Also, not likely to fall to pieces after I walk a couple miles in them. But all that might not be possible, so something more-or-less along most of those lines.
2. Underwear. I like getting socks and underwear for Cribbers – it’s like I was built to be somebody’s semi-neglected son-in-law. And not even fancy underwear (which personally I can’t stand), only the plainest and most boring of full-coverage cotton briefs (black and grey pack, 5), which I’ve worn since I was a teenager. I’ll never change my ways. You’ll have to pry them from my cold, dead… well, anyway.
3. Beeswax candles are always good (for fantasy ambiance, you see). The huge towers are the best, but I drew tapers because those are cheaper, stocking-wise.
4. The fanciest of marmalades. There’s no such thing as too many.
5. The fanciest of dark chocolate, same deal.
6. Tea works well, if you’re at a loss. Note: it does not have to be the fanciest.
7. A shiny! If you happen to be near Amethyst Creations on 4th and Macdonald, or The Crystal Ark in Granville Island…
8. A men’s fashion magazine. Lark would be a good place to look for one, or the place at the front of my building.
9. Finnska licorice. There may be some holy grail of licorice, somewhere away through the mists, but Finnska is the best I’ve ever found. They carry it at the Whole Foods near me.
10. A lock, for practicing my lockpicking! Just a regular five-tumbler doorknob lock, which is usually the most basic one there is. It should be inexpensive, but not the cheapest one (shitty cheap locks are harder to pick, or so I’m finding). Like, a Weiser (brand) would probably be ideal.
11. If you make an underwear order, consider getting me some men’s boxer-briefs as well. These are the best pyjama bottoms, I find, because they fit perfectly under a onesie – and I need to get some anyway.
12. Orange in the toe!